So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
