You just made me feel so damn special
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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