My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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