it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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