there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
