Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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