I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You need a sexual gate keeper
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
