His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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