Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Where is the hickey?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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