porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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