i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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