i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Randomize
