i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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