This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
