last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
