i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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