I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Randomize
