I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
