Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
