I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
