i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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