Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
