I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
