rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
