Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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