I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
