I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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