that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
