someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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