Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
