By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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