I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
