Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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