Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
