Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
