If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
