next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
