24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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