I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
The adults are the big ones right?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
