Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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