i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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