my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
