I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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