Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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