Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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