beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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