Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
