I just pynch a tree in the face
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
