He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
