Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
