Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Ladies don't puke and tell
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
