Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
