I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
