Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
