I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
