I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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