Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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