i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
