i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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