i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
