quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize