i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize