where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
