wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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