Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
