i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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