He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
