My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
