he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize